The Emotional Side

Last week, at work; I found out I had to go on a business trip. Just one night away.  Just a 6 hour drive away.  No planes, no dancing in front of multiple customers - just one customer.  Me and three of my co-workers, all men.  Driving to upstate New York.

Me a mother.  Away from my 6 month old baby.  Who I am breastfeeding.  36 hours without being able to nurse my baby.

Yes, I cried.  Being away from my baby is the last thing I want.  Not to mention it's the week before his baptism and there is tons of stuff to be done.

But my baby.  I've been away from my older boys before.  I have survived being away from TT, as a nursing mom, on a number of occasions over night.  But never, ever, ever when he was this little.

My baby is still waking multiple times a night to nurse.  Often times after his last nursing session around 5:30am we sleep together.  Him all nestled in my arm.  He like it there.  He is a pocket baby.  Hold him and hold him close.  That's what he likes.

He is also a mama's boy. Sometimes in the middle of the night when Husband is trying to console him he wants nothing but to be held by his mama.  How are they going to make it.  Just fine, Husband assures me.

But I am scared.  And nervous.

I am afraid of my baby developing a bottle preference. What if he doesn't want to nurse when I get home?  What if he is mad at me for going away? What if he isn't mama's boy anymore when I get home? Three boys, I deserve one of them to be a mama's boy.

I am fully ready physically to be away from my baby, my littlest nursling.  I have enough milk in the freezer to last the Zombie Apocalypse. I have a hand pump. I have two double electric pumps (I'll only take the better one). But I am not emotionally ready.

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking, but I would rather be in bed with him waking every couple of hours than 300 miles away sleeping soundly.  Assuming that I can sleep.

The business part of the trip is going to be good.  I just know it.  The company is going to be good on the car ride.  The hotel decent and I am sure we'll be fed well.  All of that is going to be good.

Except missing my baby.

10 Step

TT is a creature of habit.  He lives by his little rituals.  And bedtime is no exception.  Personally I blame the "experts" as they say establishing a bedtime routine is suppose to be helpful in getting to bed and staying in bed and sleeping.

First we read a story.

Then he nurses and we sing a song.  Actually, we sing all of the following songs (don't worry they probably take longer to read than to sing) - The Wheels on the Bus (my version), Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Baa Baa Black Sleep, Friar Jacques, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Rock a Bye Baby, Skidamrinky-dink, and "Colors" (a song by me).

After that he climbs into bed; we were in the rocker for all the reading and singing.

Then comes the 10 Step Kiss process - how did I get myself into this.

At each stage I need to say what number we are at.

1 - cover him with his beige baby blanket with the giraffe design
2 - cover him with his green baby blanket with the monkey design
3 - pull up his sheet
4 - pull up his blanket - have no mind if it's 120F in his room
5 - kiss him on his forehead 5 times
6 - kiss the right cheek
7 - kiss the left check
8 - kiss on the lips making a kissing sound
9 - kiss his glowing seahorse toy
10 -  kiss his glowing glow-worm toy, aka "baby"
and then kiss his stuffed puppy "for good luck".

40 Months

Today marks 40 months of nursing TT.  40 months.

This is roughly nursing him 1,215 times before bed at night.

When we started this journey I had no idea we would still be nursing at this time.

We've overcome a number of hurdles in our breastfeeding relationship; from his early days when he was very sick and in the PICU, through me returning to work full time, followed by the distracted nursing phase, then during my pregnancy with his brother when I was sure he was going to wean, through a handful of trips that took me away from him for a few nights at a time; and then on to tandem nursing.

I will admit some days I wish he didn't nurse as much, and other days I look forward to our quiet time together.

I know one day this will come to an end.

But for now we mark the occasion - 40 months!!

Birthday - February 15, 2011

40 months later - June 15, 2014

What?! 6 Months!!

ERP is 6 months old!? Ack!  Half a year gone.  It has been flying by.

He doesn't have his 6 month well visit until much later this month; but he did have the croup last week and we got a weight on my Pocket Baby.  And what a Pocket Baby he is - a whopping 14 lbs. and 2 ounces.  Don't know how big or small that is?  It's small.  He's a compact guy.

But he is quick and fast and compact.

He is still wearing size 2 diapers when he is wearing disposables.  But I am getting better about keeping the cloth diapers clean for two little ones (TT still needs diapers for naps and long trips out of the house).

What is ERP up to?  Everything!!  He is getting very, very close to sitting up on the floor alone; for more than a minute.  He loves scooting around; but he has to be in the mood.  When he's cranky he just rolls over and then gets mad and screams his head off.

Speaking of screaming he has figured out all his different voices; he has a protest yell, a food whimper, a put me to sleep-cry.  And he babbles and giggles.  Which I love.  I could listen to him giggle all day long.

Sleep is not the best right now.  He naps excellent in his swing.  He is up several times a night.  We can get him to sleep in his co-sleeper with no tears, super extra perfect.  But then he is up around 10:30 and that's it.

He is still wearing 3-6 month clothes.  He has some smaller and some larger sizes he fits into.

He LOVES his jumper.  He LOVES being held.

Still breastfeeding.  No shock I know.  He really enjoys his breastmilk-yogurt flavored with cinnamon.   And I seem to have gotten much close to perfecting the process of making it.

We celebrated ERP turning 6 months with a nice big bowl of his yogurt and some hashbrowns; which I highly doubt he ate any of.

Things I don't want to forget from his month:
~ The time he managed to work  himself across the room by rolling and scooting
~ How excited he gets about his yogurt - he reminds me of a little bird looking for a worm
~ How excited he gets about nursing
~ His happy squeal
~ The stork bite on the back of his neck, it looks like it's getting bigger
~ How adorable he looks with his little "comb over"
~ Watching his brothers help take care of him
~ How much he hates his car seat right now
~ How dapper he looks in his hats
~ How he will pause from nursing, look up at me and blow bubbles at me
~ How he blows bubbles while nursing (silly boy)

Touch Typist

I feel that I am a decent typist.  I can type without looking at the keyboard.  Husband and some of our friends are amazed by my typing ability.

I see typing as a generation marker.

My co-workers are my proof of this marker.

Co-workers that are older than I type slower than I do and often use the "hunt and peck" method.
Co-workers that are younger type as fast or faster than I do.

I see typing a skill you must have if you are working in an office these days.  While I am conflicted about the limited time RR spends on longhand (or cursive) writing in school, I am thrilled he is becoming a more efficient typist these days.

As him and I were driving earlier today we got to talk about the topic of typing and I was surprised that he was already noticing how one's ability to type and type well enables them to complete projects sooner.  RR at the age of 10 is already a touch typist.  And he knows this is a skill you need.

At 10, I don't think we owned a typewriter, let alone a computer.

So Bueatiful

"It's so bueatiful, Mommy"

That's the first thing TT said to me when he came outside this morning.  I was in the middle of hanging diapers to dry.  He was referring to the diapers being bueatiful.  And I can see where he would think that.  All of the bright colors, gently swaying in the breeze, the bright late spring sun shining down on them.  Like little flags across the side of the yard.

But for me it wasn't just the diapers that were bueatiful.  It was a bueatiful day with my bueatiful family.  At the time ERP was happily in his bouncy seat watching me and listening to the birds.  TT started helping me hang the clothes.  The morning went on, and RR helped with the chores.  The boys played.  Husband played with the boys.  I got in on the action. We had an easy lunch and the house was clean and full of laughter.  Then my mom showed up with a cake.  Yum!!  Cake and then naps.

What more can you ask for?

While TT was sleeping I did take the diapers off the line.  He cried when he noticed they had been taken down.  "So pretty.  Go?" he asked.

But its alright.  I am sure the summer will be filled with many more days like this, complete with diapers on the line.  At least I can hope so.