Surprise!

No, I am not pregnant.  I wrote this blog post, then read it and read the title and all I could imagine is everyone thinking we were expecting based on the title.  

TT is my "sleeper".  Don't get my wrong RR is a great sleeper, always has been.  But with RR also came night-terrors and sleepwalking.  And ERP is still figuring out this whole "sleep at night" thing.  TT on the other hand sleeps 11 hours a night and naps for 2 or 3 or even 4 hours a day.  Hey... he's a big guy and needs the sleep to grow.

So yeah, TT is my good sleeper.

Last night, I went upstairs and checked on RR; it was a little before 11pm.  I turned off his computer and his lights, then went to brush my teeth before checking on TT.  While taking my vitamins I think I hear TT.  I stop and listen, start opening the bottle again, and stop and listen again.  I decide I must be hearing the TV downstairs.

Then I open TT's bedroom door.

All the lights are on.  It's as bright as day.

And there is TT, standing in his sleep sack - caught mid-step - on his way back to his bed - clutching his ABC book.

He looks at me - surprise!!

I look at him - surprise!!

And he starts crying.  It was so adorable, and sweet and sad at the same time.  Husband came to see what was going on.

So I sat in the rocking chair, and offered to read his ABC book.  He read it, through the tears... and was done crying before the end.

He was shocked.  He had been caught.

Then we nursed and off to bed again he went.

What a sweetie... this time.  It happens again I am sure I will not find it so cute and sweet and innocent.

10 Step

TT is a creature of habit.  He lives by his little rituals.  And bedtime is no exception.  Personally I blame the "experts" as they say establishing a bedtime routine is suppose to be helpful in getting to bed and staying in bed and sleeping.

First we read a story.

Then he nurses and we sing a song.  Actually, we sing all of the following songs (don't worry they probably take longer to read than to sing) - The Wheels on the Bus (my version), Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Baa Baa Black Sleep, Friar Jacques, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Rock a Bye Baby, Skidamrinky-dink, and "Colors" (a song by me).

After that he climbs into bed; we were in the rocker for all the reading and singing.

Then comes the 10 Step Kiss process - how did I get myself into this.

At each stage I need to say what number we are at.

1 - cover him with his beige baby blanket with the giraffe design
2 - cover him with his green baby blanket with the monkey design
3 - pull up his sheet
4 - pull up his blanket - have no mind if it's 120F in his room
5 - kiss him on his forehead 5 times
6 - kiss the right cheek
7 - kiss the left check
8 - kiss on the lips making a kissing sound
9 - kiss his glowing seahorse toy
10 -  kiss his glowing glow-worm toy, aka "baby"
and then kiss his stuffed puppy "for good luck".

Books

TT is all about books these days.  He loves to have stories read to him; and sometimes he'll even let Gene listen in on the fun.

So what are the 3 year old's favorite books these days:

#1 Favorite by far is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.  The original.

After that it's a toss up amongst a number of Dr. Suess books - Oh the Places You'll Go, And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street, and The Foot Book.

Sometimes he will request I read the book we call "colors" over and over again.  I have no idea what is it really named, but it counts 1 through 10 and has a different color for each number.  I find this book terribly dull, but not as dull as the Brainy Baby ABC book he often insists on reading.

Then some days he is really into looking at baby faces and we'll read very simple, 6 page books which feature lots of baby faces - like Peek a Boo Baby, Good Morning Baby, What Does Baby Need, and Baby Plays.  He often insists that many of the newborns we see photos of in these books are ERP.

I'm glad my boys love their books - I just wish I got to chose what we read more often.

Whatcha Readin'

Apparently last Saturday was "Take Your Kid to the Library Day".  No, really it was.  That really is a national "holiday".  And it really was last Saturday.

I had no idea.

Not until later that day when Husband told me about it.  Bummer our library didn't do anything fun to mark the day; but it was crowded anyhow.

Anyhow, I digress.  I dropped Husband off at urgent care, because he starting coughing up blood which is never a good sign; and the boys and I went and hung out at the library.  I got the cutest picture of them using the library computer together on my phone, but I have no idea how to get pictures off my phone so I won't be sharing it.

The books RR picks out always amaze me.  He has the most eclectic taste in books sometimes.  Currently on his Kindle he's reading the bible in a comic book form, The Children of Nox series (book 2, The Kiss), and some sort of Christmas story.  So I shouldn't have been surprised by his library selection: Ripley's Believe it or Not, Enter if you Dare - a book about Count Dracula - a book about evolution and the first Spiderwick book.  Have I mentioned Spiderwick has been an obsession for the last 5 months or so?

Yup, he has some interesting taste.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

My Grandma always was an avid reader.  When I was a girl she belong to the Reader's Digest Book Club.  She used to get two or three novels, classics, in the mail at a time and once she was done reading them I was free to borrow them.  Many times she let me keep them.

Some of the books were abridged, condensed versions of the complete Sherlock Holmes works for instance, but many of the books were in their original complete state.  All of the books were hardbound, with  fancy wanna-be-leather covers and gold or silver embossed titles.  Often times the books contained a few illustrations to go along with the story.  

I remember the excitement and anticipation of going to Grandma's and getting a new book.  It was one of the treasures her house held, along with steno-pads and very sharp pencils. Grandma would let me look over the book collection and I would go hide in one of the empty bedrooms that had once belong to my mother and read away.  Other times she would pop in for a visit and drop books off.  

I don't recall how old I was when I first read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (by Betty Smith), probably a little older than the heroine of the story Francie on "book 1".  The book was bound in green pleather and had gold embossed lettering; and it was love at first glance.  

At first I was just so proud of myself for being able to read such a long book.  I even boosted about the number of pages in it when I did a book report on it for school.  But there was something else too the book, aside from the 500 plus pages.  

What that something is, I cannot fully say.  I do not have the correct word for what it is that makes this book so special to me.

I have read this book a dozen or so times since I first read it.  I get a craving to read this book.  It's similar to the craving that Francie gets for a good Jewish pickle at the end of a long winter when nothing else tastes good.  After eating the pickle she can go back to eating her everyday meals.  I get that way about pickles myself and this book is the same way.  After reading it, I feel renewed.

I hadn't read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn in about four years and my craving for the book was getting to be an all time high, but I wasn't able to locate my copy (the same green bound edition Grandma gave me) since we moved.  And then I found it this summer.  It was in a box in the basement that had seen too much moisture and the book had molded.  The cover was curling over, the fake leather was peeling off the stiff thick cardboard that made the cover, it smelt dark and dank and mold grew on the edges.  Into the dumpster it went.  

I looked into buying another copy, but never hit the order button.  I checked to see if it was at my library, but it wasn't.  I thought about getting the movie, since I've never seen it; but didn't.

And then on Christmas morning I opened a gift from Husband and there it was.  The book I had been longing for.  

I read it in three days.  And as with every other time I read it, I understood more of the story.  I related deeper to the characters.  As with every other time reading it, it was like the first time reading it.   I knew the story line, yet I still laughed and cried like the first time.  I was moved.  I felt complete and relaxed when I was done.  Since then I have re-read certain chapters and pages; and I am sure if I started back on page 1 tomorrow I could re-read the book through and through again.  

If you have never read this book I highly recommend reading this book.  It was named one of the top 100 books from the last century; and there is good reason for that.

Book Review: The Book of Tomorrow

The Book of Tomorrow By Cecelia Ahern.

This is the second book I've read by Cecelia Ahern, The Gift being the first book by her that I read.

This book is a quick read, a little slow to start but by the end you will not be able to put it down.  The book center around a teenage girl, Tamara, whose life is turned upside down with the death of her father and the uprooting of her family - and really that's all I can tell you without giving away the story.

Really... you should read this book; just so you can see how it all turns out.

Book Review: Certain Girls

I finished reading Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner last week, and the end of it left me speechless.  It hit a nerve for me, and while I am not going to give away any of the twists and turns I will admit I cried over this book (for several days).

When I Googled this book to find an image for this post I learned that this is a book is actually a sequel to Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner (which for whatever reason I passed up at the library for this book - I saw the first book but was pulled to this one); thankfully this novel does not rely on you reading the first novel first. As was clear by my reaction when I learned of the first book.

Certain Girls follows the heroine Candace Shapiro and her daughter Joy as the navigate the mother-daughter relationship in the pre-teen years; while at the same time deal with the fall out from the book Candace wrote in the first novel.

One of the minor themes this book explores is having children via a surrogate.  I've often thought of this as something I would like to do.  I toyed with the thought for years before meeting Husband and lately it's something that has been on my mind quit a bit.  I love the idea of being able to give another human the gift of parenthood that they may not have been able to realize without my help.  I love being pregnant; but I wonder would I be able to walk away from the baby.  Knowing completely well that it was not mine, that I was "merely" caring for it for 9 months; like a long term babysitter if you would.  I think this doubt is what has stopped me from looking into doing this further; but the women that are able to do this are truly amazing.

This book is wonderfully written and though provoking.  It's one of those books you just can't stop reading.

Book Review: This Little Mommy Stayed Home

This Little Mommy Stayed Home by Samantha Wilde

I will be honest I picked this book up from the library simply because the cover and title caught my attention as I was browsing the non-fiction books by authors whose names started with W.  I like going to the library and randomly picking a letter and trying to find a book by an author in that area to read... I will admit I am a little eccentric sometimes.

In my opinion this book should be required reading for all mothers, not just new mothers.  In this novel we follow heroine new mom, Joy, as she navigates her first year of motherhood.  And despite that fact that she is  adapting to life as a stay at home mom, this book is something working moms, second time and third time, etc moms can relate to.  There is something in this book for nearly every mom and mom-to-be out there.  Topics ranging from no-sleep, the added stress to marriage, finding yourself again after having baby, and even breastfeeding (swoon... I LOVE how she was able to write about breastfeeding in such a realistic, yet positive light) - it's a down to earth, this is real-life type of novel.

Really I cannot recommend this book enough; they should had this book out at child-birth class or when you start your baby-shower-registry.  If more women read this book and were able to realize they were not alone on this journey they call motherhood, I think their would be less of the mommy-wars*.

As an added bonus for me - she's a local author, which means I can count this book toward my summer reading challenge at the library.  

* Mommy-war (for those not current living the mommy-dream) are the debates that women feel they need to have with each other of simply, practical, and personal parenting choices ranging from diapering, schooling choices, work versus stay at home, baby-weraing or not, etc.  Remember the Time magazine cover?

Books in the Basement

When you live in the sticks (or is it from the lack of municiple funding these days) you need to either higher a private rubbish removal company or buy special bags and haul your stuff crap to the transfer station yourself.  When we moved out here 3 years ago we first opted for the special bags.  However we soon learned that this did not fit into our schedule so well; so we've been a slave to the private rubbish removal business ever since.

Last summer we started talking about renting a dumpster and taking a week and cleaning out all of the "stuff" we have in the attic and basement.  Honestly, we have boxes in both places that haven't been opened since we moved.  But we never got around to doing this; then we noticed some of our neighbors had dumpsters on their properties versus a large can that gets picked up weekly.  So Husband looked into this option and for a bit more a month we now have a small-ish dumpster and a smaller-small-ish recycling dumpster in the far corner of our driveway.

Having these has allowed us to slowly and surely go through all of the things we've amassed over the years and downsize.  It's been liberating to throw out my band jacket from 1990-something, along with other items that were simply taking up space.

However with all the good steps we've taken in downsizing we're bound to pick-up a few new treasures along the way.  One such event that we would find said treasures at is "The Friends of the Library" bi-annual book sale event.  We go the last weekend every time it rolls around and stock up on 50 cent books and the like.

We've been looking forward to the spring sale, coming this weekend, for about a month now... and I had just finished a book so I was really looking forward to going.  But then this weekend while working in the basement I found two boxes of my old books.  Swoon, I am in love.

Right now I am reading "Pink Slip Party" by Cara Lockwood.  This book is a classic chic lit and a fast read.  I couldn't tell you the last time I read it and I am loving every moment.  I also found my copy of "Breaking the Good Mom Myth" by Alyson Schafer.  This was my bible when Turkey was Monkey's age and I don't think I would have made it with my sanity in tact without it.  I am so so so looking forward to diving into this one again.

And then there are my Kurt Vonnegut books.  Oh, I love me some Kurt Vonnegut.  And I'm not talking his standard text of Slaughter House 5, which I suspect every public high school student in 1990s read, I'm talking about his threaded works in "Cat's Cradle" through "God Bless You Mr. Rosewater".  Can you hear my heart beating a little faster... ah... love....


I'm honestly considering starting to pump again at work, just so I can have a 10 minute break to read while pumping.  Hey, it would be beneficial to me and the baby.  Right?

Now, if only I could find my copy of "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith.  Perhaps, it's tucked away in a box in the attic.

Daddy's Gift

My husband has a gift.

Ok, he has many gifts (I can tell you he's blushing this now while reading this), but the gift I am talking about is his baby soothing gift.

Monkey isn't that baby that will fall asleep anywhere when he's over tired, he is a creature of habit and requires his crib or Daddy to sleep.  He also missed that memo that breastfed babies are suppose to fall asleep at the breast when they are full and content, instead he'd rather play when he's done.

4:30am this morning was a prime example.  After he ate he was ready to get up for the day.  That was so not happening.  So I called in the Big Guns, aka Husband.  When this happens we call it "patting the baby down", and we use this technique any time Monkey is fighting sleep.

To do this Husband tucks Monkey into one arm and pats his butt, firmly and rythmetically. (Hey, it's got to be firm to be felt through all those layers of butt fluff.)  Sometimes Monkey will protest cry for a few minutes, sometimes not at all.  Sometimes he falls right out, sometimes he fights it for nearly 30 minutes; but Husband is diligent and despite his hand condition pushes on.  Husband can get him to sleep this way in church in the Beco, sitting on the rocking chair or laying on the couch.  Monkey is no match for Daddy's Gift.

Other babies have fallen victim to this gift as well; and the look of amazement by other parents in always amazing.  Husband likes to say it's his version of Dr. Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block.  But no matter what you call it, it is a gift... and for that I am thankful.  (Now if only I could learn to fall back asleep at 4:30am as well.)

It's Never Too Late

Husband got me this book for Christmas (it was on my wish list).

It's 172 simple acts (more like phrases to ponder and act on) to change your life and I came across this one today that I wanted to share... it's dedicated to my boys...

It's never too late, to be a late developer.  

Set your own timeline.

Don't allow others to dictate your pace.

Benchmarks are for average people.

You're an individual.

You have your own individual rate of growth.

Take the pressure off.

Allow things to develop naturally.

It's not important when you get there.

What matters is that you get there.

By Patrick Lindsay

Staring Contest

The other night at dinner Turkey says to us, "You know how I don't like looking people in the eye?"

"Yes", I say knowing this is one of those Asperger's things.  "Why is that?"

"It makes me feel awkward."  Lately awkward or dweeb are his adjectives for just about everything, thanks for Wimpy Kid.

"Oh, OK. So what's up?"

"I've been practicing for staring contests.  I've been staring at my books.  I can almost see through them now.  I might be ready to have a staring contest."

OK.... let's just chalk that one up to strange things that 7 year old boys do.  

That Thing Called: SLEEP

I know I've blog about it before, and I am sure I'll blog about it again; but as a mother of an infant it's a topic that fascinates me: SLEEP.

When Monkey was first born I set a timer when we went to bed at night, as to not let him sleep through a nursing session.  I set the timer in 3 hour intervals.  In the 4 weeks I used the timer, he only sleep long enough for it to go off once.

Then around 6 weeks of age he started sleeping 5 or so hour blocks at night.  It was heavenly.

At 8 weeks of age, he was sleeping 12+ hours a night.  It was a miracle.

When a month later, he stopped.  I was crushed and confused as I commented in this blog post.

Sleep at night was a struggle.  Naps were a nightmare.  Prior to the sleep derailment, Monkey had been sleeping at night in his co-sleeper and napping in his swing. He had been just going down to sleep in both  locations without a problem.  Now we were sitting in front of him while he was in his swing swaying back and forth and trying to coo him to sleep.  Husband was patting his butt at night and I was nursing like a fool in hopes he would sleep.  We were living a nightmare.

That's when Husband and I decided to practice (our version) of Marc Weissbliuth, M.D.'s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby.  We had been following them prior, but I guess you could say we got lazy once Monkey started sleeping so well.  We started with correcting the nap problems.  No more sleeping "in motion"; naps were to be taken in the co-sleeper.  We set up a nap time routine, and then implement the crying it out (5 minutes, go and soothe, 7 minutes go and soothe, 9 minutes, go and soothe, and so on).  Typically after the 7 minute mark he was asleep.  Once or twice he stretched it to the 11 minute mark.  But within 2 and a half days, naps were no longer a battle.  Sure he sometimes goes down with a whimper, but really it's no more than that (unless, he's over tired and then really it's our fault for not putting him down sooner and we comfort him to sleep).

We then went to apply this principle to bed time, and expected a struggle.  But we got none.  His bedtime routine is a short and easy one.  Sometimes we read a story in his room, otherwise it's fluoride, PJs, swaddler, and nurse (or bottle of breastmilk from Husband if I am out).  A kiss on the forehead and a "good night", and that's it.

STTN still proved to a challenge.  We had considered some of the sleep tactic Weisbluth wrote about, but with co-sleeping we really didn't see this as an option.  Family members suggested we move him into his own room.  But we were committed to co-sleeping for the first six months.  Monkey started waking up and wanting to nurse any time Husband or I entered out bedroom, or rolled over in bed, or snored too loud.  I was convinced he was reverse cycling; and tried to combat this... but really I don't think that was the problem. 

Then he turned 6 months, and we moved him down the hall to his room.  It was a bittersweet night, our baby wasn't so much a baby anymore.

In the end it was a move we needed to make, and probably should have sooner (but co-sleeping is recommended for the first 6 months); Monkey's sleep improved.  Some nights he would STTN.  Some nights (maybe twice since he moved) he's woken twice.  Most night's he wakes once (knock on wood), around 3:30 to eat.  Husband and I have talked about whether or not he needs this feeding, and we think he does (ask us what we think in another month however); and we are OK with this.  Monkey goes to bed around 7pm, nurses once overnight (typically) and then is up for the day at 6am.  His first nap is at 8am... and we are slowly falling into a good sleep/nap schedule (which is our goal by 9 months).

I hope we are able to meet the rest of our sleep challenges with him (and I assume there will be some, he is human after all) with our eyes open and we can comprehend his needs sooner, rather than later.

Look Me In The Eye: Flooding from Hurricane Irene

Look Me In The Eye: Flooding from Hurricane Irene

Yesterday I posted about some Hurricane Irene flooding; the blog above shows some still photos of the flooding.

A Good Read

A good book is one of life's simple pleasures.  A pleasure that I was afraid Turkey had lost.

Turkey learned to read the summer before kindergarten.  At first he was an avid reader, but as time went on his interest in reading seemed to wane.  Little did I know, he just hadn't found the right book.  

For his vacation to the beach with his grandma I bought him Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  It was purchased on a Tuesday night and he was leaving on Friday around lunch time.  Wednesday morning he asked if he could start reading it, sure I said; assuming it would be short lived as most of his books had been recently.  

Boy was I wrong.  He couldn't put it down.  He followed me around the house reading it. 

He read it to his brother when I asked him to play with him. 

He wanted to read it when we walked to the post office on my lunch break (I work from home on Monday and Wednesday, but I drew the line at that one.

He read it cover to cover in about 3 hours.  Then when he was done, he started to re-read it; out loud to me as I was working.  But I guess I wasn't a very good audience so he finished re-reading it to himself.

That night we went out and got the second DoWK for his trip.

Good Manners

The other night I was leading Turkey's den meeting (although I am not technically the den leader until the end of this month), and I set out on a mission.  The mission - The Good Manners Belt Loop.

Belt loops are something Cub Scouts can earn by completing three requirements as set forth by the national headquarters.  There are belt loops in two main areas academics and sorts.  The Good Manners one fell into the academics areas.  The three requirements to be completed where 1) make a poster showing/telling 5 good manners, 2) introduce two people correctly, with at least one of them being an adult and 3) write a thank you note.  This seemed like a piece of cake, so armed with Turkey's copy of Dude That's Rude (Get Some Manners) off we went.

And while I wasn't expecting the boys to come out of the den meeting proper little gentlemen that lifted their pinkie finger while sipping tea; I had expected a little more.  I was a little embarrassed, dare I say, by how few manners the boys could tell me about.  Even Turkey was quieter than he normally was (maybe their silence was them practicing good manners); and when I did ask him for examples of manner and what to do in certain situations he quoted his book (at least now I know he's read it).  And it's not like these boys lack manners - they are all very polite, listen well, help with set-up and clean-up.  Maybe it was just because they were surrounded by other 7 year old boys, not wanting to look like goodie two shoes and all that.

But in the end they started to pull it all together - once they started making the cards.  Maybe it was the craft aspect of it.  Maybe it was because a lot of them made cards for the former den leader.  Maybe it was their parents prodding... but in the end they did it.  And showed me the polite boys I know they are.

Asperger's and Alphabet Soup

Since receiving Turkey'sdiagnosis of Asperger's I feel like my life has become a bowl of alphabet soup. But I suppose it's always been that way, there are now just more letters floating in my bowl.

Yesterday we had an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting for Turkey. It was a meeting to see if he qualified for services. The AS (Asperger's), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and anxiety (what, no acronym for this) and a rule-out written expression disorder (also called dysgrpahia, again no cute acronym); apparently do not automatically qualify Turkey for an IEP. It was implied that he needs to be "struggling"  (but after reading through the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) statues this doesn't seem to legally be the case) in school in order to qualify. His teacher did stress that he was struggling with his handwriting (he is above grade level for all other academics), which is why they need to do additional testing for dysgraphia. And she went on to further highlight that most of this issues are behavioral, emotional and social.

For a few minutes there, I swear I had stepped into John E Robison's book Look Me In The Eye.  It really was eerie, I sat there listening to a teacher talk about my son in terms of something I just read about AS.  It was as if she read the book, and then came to the meeting.  She then talked about what a pleasure he is for adults to talk to, and one of the specialists commented about how she could imagine so because of his verbal IQ score.

Then we talked about the testing he had done and they "re-capped" the report (read one of the specialists read from the report my independent evaluator wrote), my head was spinning.  NEPSY-II, HVOT, WPPSI, WISC-IV, WRAML2. OK, is your head-spinning now?  This poor kid has gone through more testing in the last 6 months than most adults have in their lives.  (Good thing he likes going - they give out toys.)

At the end of the meeting we agreed to further testing for PT (physical therapy) and OT (occupational therapy) to address his sensory issues and his fine and gross motor issue.  And then the educational profile (which really has nothing to do with what is taught in school) for the r/o (rule out - that was a new one I learned at the meeting) of written expression disorder.

So now the school department has 8 weeks to complete testing and for us to meet again.   I have been told they will do their best to complete it early so we cna figure out how to move forward.  If there is no IEP in place we might have to look at having another DCAP (district curriculum accommodation plan) for the new school year.  Turkey has had a DCAP for the last 2 years to address his non-academic issues in the classroom.

But then someone, outside the meeting, asked me about a 504 for Turkey.  Hhhhmmmm a 504, I am vaguely familiar with that... maybe I don't know as much about it as I should because it's numbers and not letters.  Guess I've got more research to do.  I'm not looking for Turkey to be treated special, but I do need to make sure school is a place he enjoys going.  We've got a long way to go before he graduates, and I need to make sure that happens.

If you made it this far... congrats, this was one hard blog post to write (and read) with all the acronyms aka Alphabet Soup.  

Asperger's Syndrome

I've been debating writing this blog entry for a few days now, but not debating whether or not to write it, but debating when to write it.  I had really wanted to call my best friend about it first, but I'm having a hard time talking about this out loud to anyone but my husband.  Sounds silly right?  It's not.  It makes me think of the opening passage to The Body by Stephen King.

"The most important things are the hardest things to say.  They are the things that you get ashamed of, because words diminish them"..."But it's more than that, ins't it?  The most important things things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried"..."And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.  that's the worst, I think.  When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."

So with that I will say it; last week Turkey was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

You can find many definitions of Asperger's on-line.  This is the one I like the best.

It really was a crushing thing to read.  To see it right there in black and white on his neurological-physiological examination report.  To be told that the child you see in your eyes as perfect, while knowing clearly no one is, has a "problem", is heart-wrenching.

I don't like saying it's a diagnosis.  To me a diagnosis is something that is handed out at the medical doctor's office - a broken bone, an ear infection, even more serious things like cancer. I also don't like looking at this like it's a problem.  I have come to see it as another way of being.

When I first read the news, and I think calling it "the news" is a good way to put it; I kept looking at Turkey waiting to see him differently.  Waiting to feel different, waiting for him to start acting differently.  But that didn't happen.  Nor do I ever expect it to happen now. He is the same 7 year-old boy he was before getting the report and my love for him has not wavered.

Once I got over the initial shock, I started doing my research.  The internet can be a big scary place sometimes, especially when looking up anything medically related.  But I looked and found that the world of Asperger's really wasn't all that scary.  I also received a "parents suggested reading" list on Turkey's report.  So husband and I headed off to Barnes and Noble.  Of all the books recommended, I opted to start with Look Me In The Eye, by John Elder Robison.  This book is a memoir of his life with Asperger's (and is set in my own area).  I figured I was better off reading about someone's experience before diving into the technical reading material also recommended.

Look Me In The Eye proved to be a good first read. When Turkey saw the book lying around he said to me about the title "Why would you want to do that?"  Turkey does not like looking people in the eye while talking, unless it's one of his current topics of fascination.  This was the first sign I was on the right path reading this book first (as not looking people in the eye while speaking is an Aspergian characteristic).   I saw many traits of Turkey in this book, and to see how well John Elder turned out, it gave me hope.   I am not sure I would be posting this blog entry without first reading it.

Turkey's report also contained wonderful news - he has an IQ in the top 0.5%.  And his report contained some lesser wonderful news - he also has ADHD.  The ADHD doesn't seem to phase me at all, it just seems to common and manageable to me (not to knock anyone with ADHD).  Maybe it doesn't bother me because it's not related to the word autism.

So now, the news is out there.  Turkey has Asperger's.  My world is not ending because of this.  I am ready to go forward and do what needs to be done to ensure the best possible life for him - just as I always was.