Sunday, October 12

The Twilight Years

You cannot, in human experience, rush into the light.
You have to go through the twilight into the broadening day
before the noon comes and the full sun is upon the landscape.
Woodrow Wilson

The other day I read the most touching blog post; The Golden Age of Breastfeeding. At first when I read the title I thought I was going to read about the era in which we lived, and about how breastfeeding rights and rates were increasing and the like. Instead it was a moving piece about what it was like to nurse a 28 month old. I will admit, I cried when I read this. It was true, oh so very true. 

And it reminded me, it starkly reminded me; that TT and I were past the golden age, past the golden months, the golden years.

TT and I are in the Twilight Years, nearly 44 months of nursing; and the end is coming and we both know it is.

We've been through a lot - 

the early days where everything was uncertain and new

The days when he was young and it seemed like the
rules and habits where changing every day

The days in the middle where everything was right with
the world and our nursing relationship

The lean days of dry nursing while I was pregnant with his little brother

The early days after his little brother was born
and he was fat and happy with milk

The days we nursed in public

The days we nursed in private

The day he learned about sharing his time nursing with his brother

The days and times he still nurses alone

During our time we've seen a lot of nursing relationships start and end. And we've held our own, pressing forward one day, one nursing session at a time. 

But I know the end is near. 

Some days I think TT knows as well, but he doesn't understand. He wants to nurse, but as he gets older he is loosing is ability to get my milk to letdown. Sometimes he gets sad when this happens, and I do my best to reassure him. I hate to see him not being able to get, to have, something he holds so dear. But I know it is time; and I hold his hand and rub his back and lead him into the next stage. 

I do now know if today, or tomorrow, or the next week or month holds our last nursing session. But it is coming, when we do not know... coming... slowly, truly, quietly, coming to an end... and a new beginning is coming.

The past is the beginning of the beginning 
and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. 
HG Wells


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