Sunday, January 29

King of the Store

When Turkey was small I signed him up for the birthday program at Toy's R Us.  It's a cute little program, a few days before your child's birthday a card comes in the mail for them from Geoffrey the Giraffe and in the card is a $3 gift card.  Then when you get to the store you tell the employee at the front desk that it's the child's birthday and they get a crown and a balloon (free).

The first year I took him to do this I felt a little silly because he was still riding in the cart and the crown was way too floppy to look "regal".  However since that first year it's been a tradition he looks forward to.  And luckily this year he got 2 cards, and thus 2 gift cards.

Tonight armed with his 2 gift cards (hey, $6 is a lot when you're turning 8) and his birthday money (he had his friend's party a couple weeks ago) off we went.

Turkey was BEYOND excited to be there.  He was on top of the world and could hardly contain himself while I got his brother out of the car and into the carriage... so Husband walked him in... up to the front desk Turkey marched and proudly reported that it was his birthday (OK, so it's on Tuesday but really...) and he got his crown and balloon and off we went to shop...

Well OK, me and the boys went one way and Husband went the other to get Turkey's gift from us (parents also get a $5 off $25 birthday coupon as part of the program)...

Turkey looked over the shelves with care, calculated, and re-calculated the prices on items he wanted....

And then over the loud speaker it came... the employee at the front desk was announcing it was Turkey's birthday and welcomed others to wish him happy birthday if they saw him (which they did).  Turkey stood there beaming, listening to his name being said over the intercom.

In the end he selected three packs of Pokemon Black and White and two 6-Series Lego mini-figures.  In his mind the best way to spend around $25 of his own money and a Sunday night.

Saturday, January 28

Friday, January 27


I saw this blog post over on The Feminist Breeder and I wanted to share it with you, along with my personal experiences in the area.

I suffer(ed) from an oversupply and overactive letdown.  The oversupply we learned to deal with and control using block feedings.  Block feedings are when you nurse from only one side per nursing session (instead of both sides as typically recommended).  I actually had to go in blocks of 5 or so hours per side, so say if he nursed at noon on the right I wouldn't let him nurse on the left until say 5:30pm.  Thankfully as Monkey has gotten older and my supply has regulated this is less of an issue.

The overactive letdown, however; is still around.  For me, let-down (when the milk ducts release the milk to flow freely) feels like pins shooting through "the girls", on the opposite side from where he is nursing.  When I switch sides during a nursing session I need to go through the pains again.  Sometimes they are so intense they radiate down my arm... and typically when that happens my milk comes out so fast Monkey is popping up gasping for air. And the girls get rock hard during this... but when it stops... it's sweet bliss.  I guess it's similar to hitting your head on a wall... ha!!

Gotta love all of the little things that come along with nursing.  The good and the bad.

Thursday, January 26

Project Food Budget (Week 17)

This week things went pretty well, although I didn't do a formal "food shopping".

Sunday we stopped at the grocery on the way home from church and spent $34.18.  Husband and I (and Monkey) went out to eat Sunday morning breakfast as well (while Turkey was in CCD) and spent $17.50.  I made a couple quick stops at the store to odds and ends, since I didn't do a formal food shopping and spent: $10.20 and $3.99.  So I am well within the $100 for the week... however I don't see this as a victory as I had  no plan and no rhythm or reason in what we ate, etc.  I need to get better with planning and getting into a routine.

Sunday, January 22

Feelin' Like Superwomen

Friday night started out great.  Husband and I were enjoying watching "The King's Speech" when we heard him. Monkey, that is.  Typically he gets a dream feed every night at 10pm (give or take), and some times he wakes up for it and reminds me (not to nicely) that he wants to eat.  Fast-forward to 1am and I am still working on getting him back to sleep (damn teeth... you suck, please come in already).  When I finally drifted off to sleep I was envisioning a long day which would require serious quantities of coffee.

6:30am came, and the boys were awake and ready to go; but I was able to keep them at bay until 7:30am, and somehow once I rolled out of bed I was full of energy... I managed to...

make enough pancakes to eat today and freeze for later
do two loads of Turkey's laundry
play with the boys outside in the snow
address Monkey's birthday invites
nurse the baby about ten times
write some letters (yes, snail mail letters)
bring the last of the Christmas decorations to the attic
write a couple blog posts (and read a couple posts)
clean and organize the linen closet
sewed on Cub Scout patches, mended a stuffed animal and a pair of PJ pants
oversee Turkey writing out thank-you cards for his party.
take a shower with Monkey
play two games of Scrabbled Slam with Turkey
tickle Monkey by kissing his cheeks like crazy
change three poopy diapers
clean up the kitchen (twice)
make pretzels with the boys
play blocks with Monkey
play Yahtzee with Turkey
finished up Husband's web-site
and make dinner

.... so yeah, I totally woke up with a Superwomen complex... and felt the need to get EVERYTHING done, on very little sleep.

You Suck

That comment would be directed at my new insurance company, United HealthCare Oxford.

I take the mini pill, the recommended oral contraception while breastfeeding.  I take a generic.  Sometimes CVS gives me Heather, sometimes it's called Camila.  Same difference.  Under my old insurance it was a $10 co-pay.  With my new insurance I was expecting a $15 co-pay, as our co-pays went up.

So imagine my suprise when I go to get it and they tell me it's $35.99.

I decline to pick-up my prescription, at the price, figuring there must be some computer error.

I call the pharmacy line, enter my 15 digit member ID number more times than I can count... only to get told it's a Tier 3 drug under our new plan... and I have to meet a $100 deductible, then I can pay a $40 co-pay... or just buy it out of pocket for less.


So they recommend a different brand of the mini-pill (Miconor)... because apparently they know better than my doctor.  Who, by the way, I know need to call and ask for a medication change... because the pharmacy can't make the substitution.  You've got to be kidding me!!!

Note: our Rx's are covered by a 3rd party... who also sucks... but I still blame United for picking these jerks to work with.

The Best Of (Part 7 of 10)

The other night I was thinking about writing a blog post about how much I love the chair in Husband's office (everyone thinks like that right???); and then it occurred to me that 1) Monkey will be 1 in a few weeks and 2) that I really haven't added to my Best of List in a while and 3) well the chair is a best of item...

so... drum roll please....

#7 on my Best of List for Baby is... The Recliner!!!!

Yes, this is not your typical baby registry item.  And yes, everyone loves a good rocking chair or glider; but really if you can afford it and you have the room I highly recommend getting a recliner for use with baby. A rocking recliner is even better.

When Monkey was born Husband had his rocking recliner in his office.  It was red, it was old, it was kind of hard, it was old... but it worked.  So well it put Monkey and I to sleep more than once.

Then Gram passed away, and along with other things, we inherited her recliner.  So Husband's old red one was passed off to my brother in law, and Gram's took it's place.  This chair was a lot newer, and softer, and fluffier than the red chair.  I am in love.

Now when I get home from work I scoop up the baby and head to Husband's office and into the easy chair.  I kick off my shoes, and pull the leaver... ahhh!!!!  Feet up, all nice and cushy and feeding my baby.  Does it get any better than this?

So yeah, if you have a the room and the money... then put an easy chair on your list of "must have" for baby... I know it's on my top ten list.  

And many thanks for Husband for letting me take over his chair and invade his office.  

Saturday, January 21

Silent Saturday (The Snow Edition)

Ready to go with high hopes of "snow ball" snow.

"Ok Mom, now what?"

Trying to crawl in it.

"This is better"... up until last year Turkey wore that hat.  It's a little big on Monkey .

"Faster brother, faster"

Turkey got this sled from Nana... the sled is easily 30 years old.
And it works great.

Add caption

He busted his knee.

Snow angles!!!

Yes... I pulled both of them around...
that's 100+ pounds of kid.

Soccer ball, basketball... it's all good.

Starting to loose interest.

And then the wheels fell off.

So Turkey opted to shovel for me.

Thursday, January 19

Project Food Budget (Week 16)

Last week an old friend commented that I should maybe try some of my shopping at the discount chains to save money and this got me thinking about how far away those stores can be for us.... so today I looked up the distances.

The 3 closest stores are Store Y at 3.6 miles, Store X at 6.2 miles and another location of Store Y at 8.9 miles.  I try not to shop at Store Y because their produce sucks, their prices are the highest, and they treated my brother really unfairly after he worked for them for eons (OK, more like 10 years).  But just based on distance alone, and the fact that BOTH locations are right off the interstate on my way home makes it really hard to not shop there.

The 3 closest discounts grocery stores are 15.2, 15.5 and 17.4 miles away... so when you figure in back road driving and then traffic once you get there it's a long way to go to save some money... plus gas is around $3.50 right now (what's up with that sudden price increase again... this sucks).  And those distance are each way, which means I could easily spend an hour alone driving to go and from the store.  Blah!!  I do enough driving with my commute.

Anyhow, Husband and I got to talking about our food budget last night and decided we needed to trim the fat and we are going to be going with a $100 weekly budget from now on.  So maybe working a once month trip out to the discount stores may be in order.  Plus we're going to try to get back to buying our produce locally, which also saves money.

I'll keep you up to date as our new plan develops, but in the mean time don't forget to check out these other blogs participating.

Wednesday, January 18

At 11 Months

At 11 months Monkey...

is one of the happiest babies around.

loves playing, and especially loves standing to play.

is just learning how to crawl... sometimes he goes off to the side, and sometimes he tries to crab-walk.

loves eating... and I mean this.  
He gets so excited over food he shakes with job.

eats everything.  We've yet to find a food he doesn't like.
eats mostly table food.  

we've loved doing Baby Lead Weaning.
is still nursing, at least 6 times a day.

is mostly sleeping through the night (knock on wood).

adores playing with others and helping clean-up.

dislikes riding in the car, still.  I swear we have the only child the refuses to sleep in the car.

babbles constantly, and has learned how to shriek really loud thanks to big brother.  

can be a real cling-on sometimes... thank goodness for baby-wearing.  
We love our Beco.

still has no teeth.

gives kisses, waves hi and bye, gives high 5 (when he wants) and signs "more" and "all-done".  

loves mimicking people and playing peek a boo.

is all all around happy baby.

His 2012 goals (if it's possible for a baby to have them) are to learn to crawl, learn to walk and get some teeth.

Tuesday, January 17

January 17, 2004

8 years ago today was a Saturday.

It was a bitterly cold, overcast, yet very bright Saturday.

But my nearly 9 month preggo body was running on "hot" and I was dressed in a light weight short sleeve dress.

It was exactly 4 weeks before Turkey's was due, and exactly 2 weeks before he would make his early appearance.

It was the day of my baby shower.

Aside from the season inappropriate dress I wearing I was also sporting a "new" hair-do.... short with bangs.  This is the only time in my life I've had bangs.  My pregnancy hormones had wrecked havoc on my hair, causing my curls to go into hiding for 9 months and thus causing me to take drastic measures.

My shower was held at a friend's fiance's restaurant.  The restaurant is no more.  My friend never married that guy (thankfully), and I guess you could say I'm not even really friends with her any more.  Things sure do change over the years, don't they?  My mom and that friend hosted the party.  Other friends and family members were there.  I really should dig up some more of the photos from that day... I think my aunts would get a hoot out of our family group-shot from then.

I remember my Grandma (God rest her soul) got me a bathrobe and pretty smelling bath products... because as she put it "people often forget about the mom in times like these".  My Aunt C made Turkey a blanket.  She would re-make him the same blanket as a replacement in 2011.  My Aunt G got the baby a floor gym and a pack and play among other things.

And despite what my mother said, no one got us any diapers.  Not a single diaper.  This was probably the only baby shower in the history of  baby showers in the US to have no diapers present.  When I had my shower for Monkey some 7 years later, everyone made up for this; and we ended up with enough diapers to last until we started cloth diapering around 2  to 3 months (once he reached size small).

I don't recall all of the wonderful gifts we got.  I don't recall what we ate.  But I do know we had lots of laughs over the game "guess how big mama is?"  (I actually like playing this game... I know I'm weird.)  I remember lots of laughs and hugs and love.

The next weekend my friend KB and I went shopping for all most of the baby essentials I didn't get at the shower.  We shopped until we nearly dropped.

When Turkey was born the week after that we were not ready.  The shower gifts and new purchases still littered the living room in their original packages.

And we still had not bought any diapers... good thing they send you home from the hospital with some.

Monday, January 16


Husband loves rice.

Turkey hates rice (unless it's fried rice from a Chinese restaurant).

Monkey will eat anything you let him.

Me, I'll eat it... but it's not a "must have" for me.

A few months ago I had gotten a recipe from a co-worker for a super easy rice and bean dish.  It had corn in it as well, which I figured was a plus since Husband and Turkey both like corn.

I've been meaning to make this recipe for months now.

Well I finally made it last week.  I had high hopes for this recipe as it was good for you, and only cost about $3 to make.  It was fast and easy to make.  I was excited.  I couldn't wait to serve it.  It smelled so good.

Turkey loved it.  Husband, not so much.  Go figure.

(I thought it was good, and well Monkey eats everything.)

Husband made some suggestions for next time I make it... and I think it will work out just right next time and EVERYONE will love it.

In case you're wondering...
Cook 1 package of yellow rice according to directions, expect use olive oil instead of butter.  Once boiling and 1 can of drained and rinsed black beans.  Once the rice is done add 1 can of corn, 2 teaspoons of lime juice and 1 teaspoon of coriander.

Sunday, January 15

Lego Party

Today we had Turkey's 8th birthday party.  Around these parts, at this age, we do "friends only" parties... which is nice because he gets his friends and Husband and I both get our friends to play with.  (Don't you just love when this works out?)

We celebrated his birthday 2 weeks early... for several reasons 1) it's birthday season around here 2) it's nice doing it the day before MLK Jr. day (extra time to recover) 3) did I mention it's birthday season and 4) Monkey's birthday is 15 days after his... so by having it 2 weeks early I get a month break between parties.

This year he opted for a Lego themed party.  Which was lots of fun to plan and decorate for.  (Husband called me his crafty little minx.)

The boys dined on pizza slices designed to look like Legos.

I made the goodie bags up to look like Lego bricks.

Turkey decorated his giant cookie cake with mini-figures and Lego weapons.

The boys played "Lego straw pick-up" (you pick up Lego pieces by sucking them up with straws and putting them in a cup), pin the head on the Lego guy, and hot Lego (like hot potato).

It was a good day... lots off laughs and no major meltdowns.  He is so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and Husband and I are lucky as well, to have such wonderful friends and their kids.

Saturday, January 14

Nursing at (nearly) 11 Months

Nursing at, nearly, 11 months is a good place to be.  It's a comfortable place.  It's a confident place.  It's a relaxed place.  At least for me.

At 11 months you get accolades from nurses and doctors on "such" an accomplishment, you get a respect from your co-workers for (along with some ribbing) for carrying it on for so long, and you that certain smile from other mothers.

This is the time I wish nursing mother's just starting out knew about.  I wish they, that while it does have it's unique challenges, knew what a comfortable place nursing could be.  Actually I wish the comfort and confidence of nursing an older baby is something that all new mother's know about.  If during those first few months of uncertainty and doubt and confusion and sleepless nights and days; they could look ahead and see, better yet experience, nursing an older baby this whole relationship might be easier.

At 11 months you've hit your stride (and not just in nursing but in taking care of a baby).  Nursing sessions typically last 5 to 15 minutes, and they are fewer and further between.  There is more nursing for comfort than nursing for food.  There is the confidence that your body is providing well for baby; and the communication between you and baby is strong.

Sure there is biting, and nipple twisting, and climbing all over mom; but compared to the uncertainties of the early months... these challenges are mere child-splay (says the women whose son is still a gummy bear).

Nursing at this stage is relaxing.  To sit in a darkened room with your baby, watching them grow sleepy as they nurse; and feeling your own eyes grow heavy as well... and then there is that little warm hand that creeps up the back of your shirt and starts patting you.... telling you that it's OK.

Silent Saturday

Friday Night

Turkey and his goggles.

Monkey figuring out the crawling thing.

Thursday, January 12

Project Food Budget (Week 15)

The budget this week is $150 again, and this includes our normal shopping, plus food shopping for Turkey's (friend only) birthday party this weekend, plus money for fish and chips ($13) on Friday.

Like last week, this weeks shopping is mostly stocking-up.  Store Y is having a can sale (3 for $1 on most veggies and both boys LOVE un-salted canned peas), so that's were we focused. OK, I made the list and Husband did the shopping.  Which he has sworn would never happen again, because people are crazy and grouchy at the store.  He did awesome sticking to the list and spent exactly as I figured, a hair under $60.  Really he should shop more often he did such an awesome job.  

I spent $9 at the store yesterday at lunch on some fruit for the house.

Last weekend, both of our moms cooked for us (mine on Saturday and his on Sunday), so that was a real treat.  And neither time did I have to do clean-up.  SPOILED!!!!  Monday Husband and I had a date and we spent $18.45 ($22.45 with tip) at red Robin.  Tuesday I don't recall what we had, but I know we ate at home.  Wednesday we had tuna sandwiches and fruit, tonight is rice and beans and Friday is fish and chips.  Saturday and Sunday are both un-planned for at this time, but they will be home and will be dependent on how I'm doing party planning and clean-up.

So far this week we've spent: $9+$60+$22.45 = $91.50 which is a good number to be at heading into the weekend.

Don't forget to check out these other participating blogs:

Tuesday, January 10


Don't take this post as a political statement, I'm just sharing a funny mommy moment.

While driving with Turkey this morning we were listening to NPR and the news about the New Hampshire primary.  Turkey got to asking about politics and Obama (he's a big supporter, always has been) and republicans.  He asks me what a republican is and I try my best to explain it to him in 7/8 year old terms.  He stops me short and asks as seriously as possible:

"Basically mom, I want to know if republicans are aliens."

How do you not bust out laughing at a statement like that.  

Sunday, January 8

Booster Seat

Yes, my nearly 8 year old still rides in a booster seat.

Yes, he's a "big kid", at 80 lbs. and 54 inches (4-ft 6-inches).

But the LAW is 4-ft 9-inches so he has some growing to go still.

Sure, there are plenty of adults that barely make the height requirement.  But they are adults.  They, supposedly, know how to sit in a car seat properly.  Turkey on the other hand doesn't know how to sit in a car seat properly (most of the time).  He likes to slouch down.  He likes to kick his feet against the back of the seat.  He likes to lean over to the side and droop his head.

So until he grows 3 more inches AND learns how to sit in the car right, he's in a booster.

No matter how many people comment on it, and no matter how many of his peers (who are shorter than him) tell him they don't need a booster seat.... he will be in his booster.  (And loving the cup holders.)

Friday, January 6

Man Speak

When I say I am going to do the dishes, what I really mean is I am going to:
  • put the dishes in the dishwasher
  • wash all of the dishes that need to be done by hand
  • put away any food, dressing, etc that have been left out
  • wipe down and put away the high chair
  • wipe down all of the counters, the stove, table and fridge door handle
  • put away any small appliances that had been taken out
  • sweep the floor
  • and clean out the sink

When I ask my husband to do the dishes, he does just that.  He loads the dish washer.

I need to learn to speak more like a man, because I can't expect him to read my mind and know what doing the dishes REALLY means.  

What does doing the dishes mean to you?

Thursday, January 5

Project Food Budget (Week 14)

So to follow up on all of my shopping from last week.  $54.19 at the first store, $80.14 at the 2nd store and $27.50 on Chinese on New Year's.  So $161.93, which is $16.93 over... good but not great.

This weeks shopping is planned for Sunday or Monday.  We'll see how it goes.  I've spent $19.55 already on milk, bread, etc.

Wednesday, January 4

TIBMTD Update: December

Let's see how I did this month....

1) Clean out the junk draws in my kitchen.  Technically only one of them is THE junk draw.  Not sure what the other one is SUPPOSE to be... but regardless they both need to be cleaned up.  Done and as a bonus I cleaned out the cabinet I keep the small appliances in.

2) Take more naps.  Really... I need more sleep.  I took 2 naps in December.  SCORE!!!

3) Go visit my cousin.  Done, we went out, saw their new house and meet their new baby.  

Oh yeah, I totally ROCKED December.  

Brown Bag Popcorn

I had wanted to share this "recipe" with all of you back in September, but one thing lead to another and here we are... Ok, I forgot all about it, until I saw this post over on Lazy Mom.

Basically you put popcorn kernels (1/3 cup) in a brown paper lunch bag, fold down the top of the bag, and microwave for 2 to 3 minutes, season as you like and enjoy.

I had first heard about this recipe at my grandmother's funeral, and I balked at the idea thinking this would never work... but it WORKS, it works really well.

Try and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Tuesday, January 3

Thinking About the Spectrum

I invite you today to head over to John Elder Robinson's Blog "Look Me In The Eye" and read his post about looking forward on the autism spectrum.

Turkey is one of those whose “substantial communication impairment" is defined as “has difficulty reading body language and interpreting unspoken messages.”; which is typically why many people see him as eccentric and not on the spectrum (because he is so verbal; with verbal skills greater than many adults).  

We are learning, on our Asperger's journey, that the schools do NOT understand the needs of those with this disability.  They keep crying that he needs to be failing subjects in order to receive many of the services he desperately needs.  But being as gifted as he is, it will take a lot for him to fail subjects... he would need to totally disengage from the classroom.  Is this really what the school system wants?  To build him back up again, after THEM being the ones to drop the ball?  I would think not.  

My "Asperger's Goal" of 2012 is to get the schools to provide the services he needs and is entitled to.  

Sunday, January 1

8:30 and a Skit

At 6:15 this morning Monkey woke crying looking for some boobie milk.  I was tired, drop down tired still... so as I walked down to his room to nurse him I was hoping he wasn't up for the day.  Well my prayers were answered; I fed him and he promptly went back to sleep.  I myself woke in a start at 8:30; it had been ages since I slept that late and had not been woken up by the baby and/or an alarm clock.

Turkey on the other hand was up bright and early.  At 8:30 when I staggered down the hall to check on the baby I noticed he was dressed already, and playing in his room.  Within minutes he was back in my bedroom with breakfast in bed for Husband (oatmeal), Monkey (brown rice crispies) and I (oatmeal).

Then he told me he wanted to put on a skit, and he needed me to be in it.

Once I made my way downstairs he showed me the sign he made for the TV.  It read "Out Of Order", and with this he explained to me that he wanted everyone to come to him for their entertainment of the day.

Which brings us to his skit.  Apparently the most profound and impact-full event of 2011 was the birth of his brother (nearly in the car with him there); because we were "acting" this out. (Considering everything else that happened his year, I have to say I am OK with this.)  He had written a script with Husband and Wife parts, which detailed the Husband driving the Wife to the hospital while she said "Owwww" over and over again, and asking where they were going.  He replies to the hospital (driving using a race track as a steering wheel).  Once the Husband proclaims they are at the hospital the Wife (played by yours truly) pulls a pillow (aka baby) out of her bathrobe and the Husband says "it's a boy".  Turkey had him and I rehearse it a few times, then he edited his dialog some (he actually wrote out by hand the script with direction), and we rehearsed some more, then I made coffee for Husband to enjoy while watching it.

Um yup... I have a 7 (almost 8 year old) writing plays about child birth... that's all I have to say about that.

Change 3 Things

Apparently change is the word of the day over here on Two Eggs Over Easy.

As Monkey got bigger we embarked on a new adventure as a family: cloth diapering.  We opted to CD because it was better for his skin, better on our wallets (and we had $0 start up cost thanks to my dear friend M) and better for the planet.  As I began to learn more about CD and getting into it, I ran across "Change 3 Things Challenge" on Facebook, and since we were already committed to CDing I signed up (not that there is a penalty for not following though). Following Change 3 Things on Facebook has been fun.  I love seeing how the impact of cloth diapering is changing the environment.  

So here you go folks... if you CD or are even thinking about CD I invite you to LIKE them on Facebook and see what is going on.  (sorry for such an agenda driven blog post this evening.)  And if you have questions about CD I would be happy to share my (albeit some what limited knowledge) and experiences with you. 

I was not paid nor offered services for this blog post... simply post what felt right to me.


This March I will have been at my company for 12 years.  12 fast and yet very long years.  I certainly have a love-hate relationship with my job, I always have... but it's not what I see myself doing for the next 12 years.  Not unless by some magical stroke I could do it from home on a full-time basis... but I'd probably only last another 5 years that way... certainly not 12.

That being said, over the summer Husband and I talked, and he supports me in my desire to start upon a new career path.  I've done my homework and my research and I'm going to have to take some classes and do some volunteer work and take some tests to get what I want but in the end I should be happy.

Why?  Because I'll be doing something I have passion in.  Like I said, I have a love-hate relationship with my job; which is great and all, but honestly I am not passionate about it.  Don't get me wrong factory automation is great and all, and I'm all for American manufacturing but I have no desire to make this field my life's work.

So here's to starting on a new adventure in 2012.

And yes I am scared, but hey if I don't at least give it a shot I'll never know what could have been.

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