Friday, July 18

Not a Blob

Yesterday, after a particularly long 12 hours in the office, I came home and was holding ERP.  And suddenly he looked so big.  So less like a newborn, and more like a baby; and at that - more like a baby who was well on his way to becoming a toddler.

His face seems to be changing.  He has gotten a lot bigger in the last week - can you say "growth spurt".  yawn!  And he is sitting now.  I mean, really sitting.  He was sitting weeks ago, but he still slumped forward some, now he sits and plays with his back nice and straight.

And he's all about standing.  He loves standing at the couch and at the little play table.  Then he raises his arms high in the arm, and I take a deep breath, and down they go back to the couch.

This first year is going by so fast with my little guy.  Thankfully he's still a pocket baby, and loves being held close, carried and snuggled.

And speaking of a year - yesterday I found a picture from ERP's 20 week ultrasound.  The day we found out he was a boy.  And that picture was dated 7/17/13 - I found it exactly 1 year after it was taken.

7/17/13 was a sad day for me.  The days following it were dark for me.  I was upset.  I had truly wanted ERP to be a girl.  I had my heart set on a girl.  My pregnancy was so different with him than his brothers, everyone swore he was going to be a girl.  And when he wasn't I was sad, scratch that; I got depressed.  I cried for a couple of days.  I lashed out at my family.  I was crushed.  Gender disappointment is a real thing.  It can hurt.

But you know what?  I wouldn't trade ERP for a girl, never. He is exactly the baby meant for me.  He's my mama's boy.  He's my baby with blue eyes (finally!!).  He's boy #3.  And I like being a mom of boys.  I love it.  Boys are great - messy, loud and smelly.  But they are great.

So in a year.... ERP went from being a blob of a boy on an ultrasound, to a little baby blob that I held in my arms... to a strong, and sweet, and lovable little man sitting around happily playing with his toys.

One year.... it can make all the difference in the world.


Rebecca said...

I had gender disappointment with Kyan. But I couldn't find out if he was a girl or boy until he was born - he wouldn't show the goods. At least I had him to snuggle while I worked it out. I agree tho - boys are incredible! God gives you the child you're meant to have.

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