Thursday, April 21

7 Years (part 1 of a 2 part series)

"The Perfect Age Gap".  Does such a thing exist?

This question is asked countless times on message boards and mom forums.  It debated by those that have one child, or have seven, and even by those who are still considering when or if to have children.

Some people swear that closer spaced siblings get along better; that this provides a "built in" playmate.  Others argue that this breeds competition between children and for parent's love and attention.

Personally, I don't buy into either camp.  I'm in the "it's all about personality camp".  I grew up in a rather large family - 3 younger biological brothers, and same age cousin (ok, she's older by 3 months) lived with us in high school and I had a foster sister (older, but special needs).  Some days we all got along, and some days we didn't. It was all about personality.

Some people strive for the perfect timing between their children... I had to take what life offered, which was a 7 year age gap (7 years, 2 weeks and 1 day to be exact).

During the 9 months I carried Monkey, I often had moments of panic.  Panic about becoming a mom again.  Was I really ready for diapers, and sore breasts, and long nights, and potty training, and teaching how to read and write, and first colds... and ready again for first words, and first steps, and first foods, and first holidays.  I was a panicked mess, my heart would stop beating and my palms would go cold.  Was I ready to do it all again?

A lot of things change in 7 years - my body was older, car seats expire and drop side cribs were baned.

But the more I talked to friends and co-workers the more I realized I wasn't alone in my 7 year age gap; an age gap most moms consider a "big one".  I was reassured that Turkey would adjust and would love his sibling (one of my biggest fears), and that I would adjust.  I was told having another baby was like riding a bike, you don't forget what to do.

And my friends and co-workers were right.  In a lot of ways it's easier this time.  Maybe it's because I am calmer, maybe it's because I have much better support at home, maybe it's because Monkey doesn't have colic.  Who knows... all I know is it is easier and I love it.

2 comments:

justadrienne said...

I agree that it is more about personality than spacing (especially after at least one is past the age of, say, 10), however I also think how the parents relate to the children and each other has something to do with it. I feel so sad when I hear stories of siblings who fight horribly as children and their relationship is scarred for their adult lives, even! There must be a way to prevent that, I think. Kids might not be the best of friends but I think they ought to treat each other politely and lovingly regardless of how much they might like or not like to play or hang out.

justadrienne said...

(On the whole, all kids bicker sometimes)

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