Friday, February 15

Nursing in 2s

It has been quiet a journey, this breastfeeding experience....

At 2 hours old, it is 12:40am on Wednesday February 16, 2011; nursing you is a rush of new, yet familiar feelings.  There is a sense of great relief and encouragement that you were able to latch on right away.  You are warm and smell of new baby.  I feel your skin against mine and hold you tightly.  I am excited about your birth and so pleased to finally meet you.  I am hopeful that we will have a long and lasting nursing relationship.  Sleep is one of the furthest things from my mind.

At 2 days old, on Thursday; we are discharged from the hospital.  You're bilirubin levels are elevated, but we are sent home anyways as nursing is going well and the doctors seem confident they will continue to go down as you are nursing so well.  Little did we know I would faced with a delay in lactogensis II and you would end up back in the hospital on day 3.  But day 2 is of no worries.  We snuggle, we cuddle, and we nurse and nurse and nurse some more.  You and I are learning about each other.  I am experimenting with various nursing positions learning what you like (and don't like).  We spend a lot of time laying on the couch and in the bed.

At 2 months old; it is April 15; and we are hitting our stride with nursing.  I am developing an oversupply and we are working on the best way to combat that; eventually settling on 4 to 6 hour nursing blocks.  I am starting to get worried about going back to work in another month, but confident about my ability to pump breastmilk for you because I have been pumping at home (ever since that jaundice experience) and I know the pumping is making the oversupply worse, but I so want to reach the 6 month breastfeeding mark with you.  I am starting to feel confident we will make it to that mini-goal.  You cluster nurse for hours on end in the early evening.  You also love to nurse lazily over time and it takes upwards of an hour to nurse you before bed time.  I feel like I am missing out on time with your dad and brother; but I know this is just a phase and it will pass.

At 2 years; on February 15, 2013; I am wondering how we got here.  Don't get me wrong I know how we got here, one day at a time.  I am in awe of our ability to have nursed for 2 years.  Nursing you now is typically short 5 to 10 minutes at a time and you like to switch sides frequently, especially at bedtime and this drives me nutty.  You like for me to name-off body parts for you to point to while you nurse.  You giggle when we do "nose".  You call nursing "boobies".  I often wish I picked a different name for nursing.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever nurse another child as long as you.  I think about how we are slowly weaning and following your lead.  I feel a little sad and a little liberated when I think about the time we'll no longer be nursing.  You insist that I hold my breast while you nurse.  You get mad if I don't.  I get lost staring in yours eyes while you nurse; and my heart overflows... often times I fight back tears of joy.


Charlotte Jean said...

This was lovely. I wish Charlotte had learned to nurse, but I guess it doesn't always work out for preemies. Beautiful post about your beautiful journey of breastfeeding your beautiful boy.

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